MISEDUCATION #2.2: Thou Shalt Not Feel Like You’re On MTV.

The year was 1997.
My all-time favorite diva- Mariah Carey- released her 6th album, Butterfly.

As a young, poor, hard-core, #1 Arellano University High School fan, hindi ako kumakain kapag recess  para makabili ng cassette tape sa SM Harrison Plaza when the album was launched.

And when they released the first single HONEY,  talaga namang inabangan ko sa MTV Fresh with VJ Rahul yung video. At dahil wala pang YouTube noon, aabangan ko naman yung replay ng program para mapanood ko ulit. I was so euphoric every time na  napapanood ko si Mariah sa video na yun. I think it was the first time she went daring from her wholesome sugar pop image. In fact, yun yung time na naghiwalay sila ng boss/ husband niyang si Tommy Mottola and Butterfly is symbolical to her personal growth nung makawala na siya sa strained relationship nila. (Ako na madaming alam.)

Adik na adik ako sa kantang yon. Paulit ulit ko siya pinapatugtog sa Walkman ko. Yes, – WALKMAN. So, ibig sabihin ire-rewind ko pa. Tapos pag nalow bat, bili ulit ng Eveready batteries. Or worse, like this:

Ewan ko ba pero once pinasak ko na sa tenga ko yung earphones at pinatugtog yung Honey, it seems like I’m entering into a different world. Wala nakong pakiam sa nangyayari sa paligid ko. May sarili nakong mundo. – MARIAH’S WORLD!

At dahil ako lang ang nakakarinig ng pinapatugtog ko, that takes me into my own twilight zone. My own turf, in my own production, sitting like a queen, sipping my MOET, sporting a sexy lingerie, wearing very dark sunnies to protect my eyes from the flashes of cameras from the paparazzi, being a global superstar, SHOOTING MY OWN MUSIC VIDEO!  Like, I’m Mariah herself. Ganun na katindi.

In fact, memorize ko lahat ng galawan niya. Feel na feel ko talaga. At dahil dun naging feelingera ako. As in.

Like, kapag papasok ako sa pintuan ng bahay ng bestfriend kong si Sharon kasama yung dalawang barkada kong lalaki para tumambay, kailangan ganito ang posing ko pagbukas ng pinto:

‘Pag mahangin sa labas.

Pag umaahon ako sa swimming pool sa Pansol, Laguna.

…After swimming para magbihis.

Or kahit nakaupo lang ako sa sala, nanonood ng MTV. Wala akong naririnig.

Yun pala kanina pa pala ako sinisigawan ng tatay ko para  utusang mamalengke sa kanto ng subdivision namin.

And speaking of pamamalengke…

Isang umaga, inutusan ako ng tatay ko mamalengke sa kanto. Dahil malayo kami sa labasan ng subdivision, ginamit ko yung mountain bike niya sa labas ng bahay.

Gustong-gusto ko yung ngba-bike ako, naka-shades tapos nakapasak yung earphones ko habang pinapatugtog yung Honey. May part kasi sa music video na nakasakay si Mariah Carey sa jetski habang hinahabol ng mga bandido sa dagat.

Ginagawa ko, bibilisan ko yung pagpidal sa bisikleta tapos uunahan ko yung mga tricycle or ibang mga nagbbibisikleta sa main road. Sila kunwari yung mga kalaban tapos kunwari hinahabol nila ko. Parang sa music video:

Minsan, nanggigitgit pako pag mas bata sakin yung nagba-bike.

Tapos lalagpasan ko silang lahat. Feeling ko nakatakas ako sa mga humahabol sakin sa dagat. Tapos magfa-  flying kiss.

Medyo masakit nga lang sa hita kakapidal lalo na kapag dumarating nako sa may bandang labasan ng subdivision namin. Pataas kasi yung kalsada  kaya bumaba nako akay yung mountain bike kasi antarik talaga bes, di ko kaya. Babawi na lang ako pauwi kasi free fall na, hindi ko na kailangan ipidal yung bike.

Pagtapos ko bumili sa Wet & Dry Market sa Salawag, pasak uli ng earphones 🎧 tapos pindot ng ▶️ para ituloy yung pagsho- shoot ng “music video” ko.

🎼 And it’s just like Honey….when your love… Comes…. Over me…
🎶

Humahangin- hangin pa yung buhok ko habang nagba-bike kaya feel na feel ko na naman! Ambilis ng pidal ko.  Shempre, inunahan ko uli yung mga kalaban tricycle, yung mg naglalakad, tsaka yung bisikletang may sidecar pero walang bubong, yung parang pangdeliver ng mineral water, pero yun may angkas na isang sakong bigas.

As the biggest selling female artist of all time, kailangan ako ang mauna sa chase. Music video ko ‘to. Ako ang BIDAbida at sila ang mga goons. Kaya pag nalalagpasan ko sila, Magfa-flying kiss ako sabay irap – like a true diva. Kitang kita ko yung reaction sa mukha nila. They were like: WTF??!

Dedma.

Pagdating ko sa kanto ng subdivision namin, nandun na yung matarik na daan pababa kaya tinigil ko na yung pagpidal ko kasi free falling na yung kalsada. There you goooo!!! Woooooohhhhhh! Dire- diretso ako pababa.

🎼 All the world, we won,t stop. Hey, Mariah… You’re on Fiyah…🎶

Antulin ng jetski bisikleta ko! Pero nasa likod ko lang yung isang kalaban kaya kailangan  kumaliwa ako sa intersection pagdating sa baba para matakasan ko siya. Kailangan lituhin ko siya para di niyako masundan. So,  hinayaan ko lang nadumausdos yung bike ko pababa ng matarik na kalsada sabay kabig pakaliwa ng manibela to make a turn. Woooohhh!!! Yesss! Natakasan ko siy…

” Ayyyyy!!! PUT—-!!!!!!!”- may sumigaw.

Shet. Ano yun? Lumingon ako.

Kitang- kita ko yung nagda-drive ng sidecar tumilapon galing sa likod ko sabay tama sa poste sa kanto ng intersection kasabay yung isang sako ng bigas n bumagsak sa kanya!

” Oh my G-“
kinabahan nako.

I turned off my Walkman and took off my eaprhones. “Shet. Anong nangyari?”

Pagtingin ko sa likod ko, nakita ko yung gulong sa harap ng sidecar niya na- otso.
Nakasunod pala yung bike na may sidecar ng bigas sa likod ko habang nagf-free fall ako sa bike sa pababang road sabay liko pakaliwa.  At dahil nga matarik yung daanan pababa, hindi naman niya ma- control yung bigat ng angkas nyang bigas kaya biglang kabig naman niya ng manibela pakanan para iwasan akong mabangga sa harapan nya! Sa sobrang lakas ng pagkahinto niya, tumalsik siya sa unahan ko, tumama sa poste. Ang malupit pa nun, kasunod na bumagsak sa kanya yung isang sako ng bigas!

Pagtingin ko uli sa harap, nakita ko yung sidecar driver minumura nako habang pinipilit niyang iangat yung isang sako ng bigas na nakadagan sa kanya. Wait— parang may bukol pa ata sa ulo!

OMG!!! Pinidal ko ulit at inatakbo ko ng matulin yung bike ko.  Just like that, Mariah Carey became Lance Armstrong. Pucha humarurot yung bike ko- walang lingon-lingon! Dire-diretso ako hanggang bahay. Pagdating ko sa gate namin, I got off from the bike, snatched the sando bag of groceries and zoomed inside the house. – Sabay lock ng pinto. Nangangatog sa takot. Yun na yung huling beses kong namalengke nun. Paghugasin nyo nako, laba, etc. hatawin man ako ng tatay ko ng bakal na hanger, HINDI AKO MAMAMALENGKE. Siguro, halos buong summer akong hindi nakalabas ng bahay sa takot na baka hunting-in ako ng mga nakakita sa nangyari.

I could not believe it! Pano ba naman, sa mura kong edad, na nangangarap lang namang umarte sa isang music video, – ay naka-HIT AND RUN nako. Well, almost. Dami ko nang naisip nun. Na-imagine ko na na may mga naghahanap sakin na NBI, tas hinuli ako ng mga pulis. Tapos naka-posas nako… etc. ( Mariah style.)

Mula nun, hindi ko na rin pinapatugtog yung Honey. Pinahiram ko yung cassette tape kay kay Ate Rory, yung kapatid ng kapitbahay naming si Ding a.ka. PUFF DADDY. ( o diba, akala niyo ako lang nagfu-fumeeling?)

That was 20 years ago.

After a while, dun ako tumira sa tita ko sa Makati at matagal na hindi nakabalik sa  Cavite. Pero kapag umuuwi ako sa bahay namin doon, naaalala ko pa rin yung kasalanan na nagawa ko. hindi pa rin ako lumalabas ng bahay sa sobrang guilty. Like HOT GUILTY kasi nga may kasalanan akong tinakasan sa mundo. Ngayon may isip nako at alam ko na na hindi pala ako dapat tumakbo kundi dapat hinarap ko yung sitwasyon. I want to make it right. Umaasa akong makita yung driver ng sidecar para makahingi ng sorry sa naging bunga ng kalandian malilikot kong pag iisip noon. At sana mapatawad niya ako. Kaso hindi na yata nakatira doon si kuya. (At hindi ko rin naman alam kung san siya nakatira.) Kaya naman hanggang ngayon nakokonsensha pa rin ako pag naaalala ko yun. And until makahingi ako ng sorry dun sa taong yon, feeling ko… hinahabol pa rin ako ng mga goons  sarili kong  konsensya.

🎼 All the world, we won,t stop. Hey, Mariah… You’re on Fiyah…🎶

 

LESSON: Thou Shalt not feel like you’re on MTV pag mamamalengke.

MiSeDuCaTiON # 2.1 The Parable of the Talent and the Sporadic Writer.

It’s been 3 years.

… And in three years…( pause for 3 seconds)

–*AMAZING things can happen.
(* emphasis added.)

– Or NOT.

My name is Zapped.
I’m a freelance, non-paid, sporadic writer.

5 years ago, I created a blog where I teach lessons from each mistakes that I encountered.  I called it my MISEDUCATION.  My blog turned out to become a “Day Care”  at ang pinakauna kong naging pupil ay ang bestfriend ko, si  “Aling Baby”.

Then, I had a few people who visited the Day Care and “enrolled” for the school year. Soon, I’ve been teaching a class and they called me Teacher Zapped.  My hobby turned out to become my passion as I write my stories. And having someone telling you how much they can relate to what you’ve written or even more inspired of what you are doing, is the most rewarding feeling of all. Dahil dun, I finally realized, I wasn’t born to be the next American Idol or to be the next Steve Jobs.
I was born nothing, but – to WRITE.

And I write about my mistakes.

Intentionally or not, I realized there is something about each mistakes that needs to be discovered.  Painful to experience, yet there is always a hidden wisdom flourishing inside.  And it usually hits you like a  fortune cookie made out of  thick, red  brick right up in your forehead. And when it finally cracks on you, the WISDOM comes out of it. Some small. Some smaller. But most of the time, it’s huge, sharp and it comes in different shapes. Like a gemstone.

 

 

-I call it LESSONS.  Like gems, these treasured wisdom I have earned the hard way. And I’m sharing every piece of it … with you.

MiSeDuCaTioN # 17: THou Shalt NOT say “OK LANG” when it’s not. (PART 2)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF…

…inimbitahan ka ng pinsan mo sa kanila after not seeing her for 10 years, nagsabihan ng mga DIRTY secrets, pinakain, pinagamit ng pc, binigyan ng stateside na sabon, toothpaste, etc. at mga orig cd, niyakap at nagpapicture pa at ininvite ka bumalik uli bago ka umuwi, pag tinatanong mo kung may problema, “OK LNG” daw, tapos magtetext sayo ng ganito?

” INABUSO MO ANG KABAITAN KO!!! KAILANGAN KO PA MAGPAALAM SAYO PAG GAGAMIT AKO NG PC KO!!! PINALABAS MOKO SA SARILI KONG KUWARTO AT NAG-LOCK KA PA!!! KUNWARI NAGBA-BLOG KA.. NAGCHA-CHAT KA LANG PALA….OK NA SANA EH. MAY KONTING SABIT LANG. SA TINGIN MO MAY MATITIRA PAKONG RESPETO SAYO? “

Hephep! teka lang.. bago ka mag-react, Here’s more:

” HINDI KA NAMAN DAW ININVITE NI ATE ARIANA PUMUNTA DITO EH…. KASO WALA NA SIYANG MAGAWA.”

Hindi pa ko nakaka-recover sa text na to ng dumating pa tong isa:

” BILANG KO KASI YUNG GAMOT KO… 7 PCS. BUTI NA LANG NAGTIRA KA PA SAKIN. ANYWAY ALLERGY TABLET LANG NAMAN YUN EH. SINABI KO NA RIN KINA MAMA AT PAPA ( sa States. ) LAHAT NG ACTIVITIES MO MULA NG DUMATING KA DITO.”

when this happened to you…What would you do?

IS THIS  SOME KIND OF BLACKMAIL? coz if it is, then I have never ever felt so CHEATED in my life. It’s like everything she did was a trap!  Did she lured me into getting all of this just to destroy my credibility? But .. what’s the purpose behind? SHE IS MY COUSIN, RIGHT? Why would she do it to me? pero ang tanong pa rin,- Para ano’t ginawa nya yun?

a:) Para ba hindi kami makatanggap ng steytsayd package? (Which never happened, and in which my family is very much independent from, since the creation of the world?) -Or

b:) is it her mission to prove that my bigamous father could never ever raise an independent, self- supporting child, most importantly- with DIGNITY?

As I searched for an answer to my cousin’s clueless behavior, I crossed this terrifying word from an online dictionary:

 schizo·phre·nia
Pronunciation: skit-s-fr-n-
Function: noun
: a psychotic disorder characterized by loss of contact with the environment, by noticeable deterioration in the level of functioning in everyday life, and by disintegration of personality expressed as disorder of feeling, thought (as in delusions), perception (as in hallucinations), and behavior — called also dementia

 If its not letter A or B, then it will all sum up to the ONLY REASON that I’m afraid to think of why she’s acting so strange.  AFTER THE TRAUMA AND THE ABUSE AND THE ANGST AND THE SELF ISOLATION AND HER FINAL FATAL CURSE TO HER MOLESTERS, CO-WORKERS, AND THE NEXT DOOR BAKERY BOY WHO GAVE HER A STONE HARD PANDESAL-COULD THIS BE THE POSSIBLE ANSWER?

IS THIS THE POSSIBLE TRUTH WHY SHE ACCUSED ME OF STEALING SOMETHING THAT I DONT REALLY NEED?(for the record, an ALLERGY TABLET?) The TRUTH that most people having this problem could easily deny, and find it so hard to accept. That she is, in fact- not “MENTALLY” HEALTHY?

Irregardless to the least of the possibility that my cousin is mentally disturbed, I could never deny the fact that she is still my cousin. At dahil “PINSAN” ko siya- Nag-sorry ako ifever na na-offend siya nung sinabi kong sa loob ng sampung taong walang humpay kong pagtatrabaho… “HINDI AKO SANAY NANG WALANG GINAGAWA.”

LESSON #1: WAG MAGSASALITA NG GANITO SA ISANG TAONG WALANG TRABAHO AT AYAW MAGTRABAHO.

Nag-SORRY  man ako sa pagiging TACTLESS ko, I NEVER OWE A SINGLE DROP OF APOLOGY FOR THE REST OF HER ACCUSATIONS. I DO NOT FIND MYSELF GUILTY IN ANY OF THOSE CHARGES ANYWAY. How could she say that I abuse her from coming over uninvited, or using her things, using her room, being straightforward, etc, when IN FACT, she’s the one who invited me to come over at the first place and I HAVE ALL HER CONSENT? – Diba nga pag tinatanong ko siya  sa part 1 ng kwento na to, ang sagot niya puro-OK LANG?!!!- remember?

 I proved to her that I did write some posts nung pinayagan niyako magsolo sa kuwarto niya para makapagsulat but I ended parking everything i wrote up in my drafts. In fact, I’m trying to write about this total nightmare  “DREAM VACATION”  ko sa kanila. kaso hindi ko tlga  alam kung bakit hindi ko matapos-tapos….

 NOW I KNOW WHY.  AND I KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO END THE STORY.

She replied:

“SIGE, I-BLOG MO! IFO-FORWARD KO YUNG LINK MO KINA MAMA AT PAPA AT SA LAHAT NG KAMAG-ANAK NATIN!!!- DUN MOKO PAGMUMURAHIN!!! YUN NAMAN ANG GUSTO MO, DIBA?”

…is this another blackmail?

LESSON #2: TEACHERS DON”T SAY BAD WORDS INFRONT OF THE CLASS.

– but the people or “pupils ” reading this and make comments after CAN. 🙂 just so u know, Cuz. I’m not in control of their thoughts. And TEacheR ZappeD cannot take away their right to speak. I don’t know what she’s trying to prove why does she need to threaten me that she would tell it to her parents and to the rest of my father’s side of the family  when she knew I GREW UP BARELY EVEN KNOWING THEM. I COULDN’T EVEN REMEMBER SOME OF THEIR NAMES AND WHAT I MEAN TO THEM. IN FACT, WHEN FOR SOME OF THEM I”M NOT EVEN SURE IF THEY EVER KNEW THAT I EXIST!  

Through GOD’s saving grace, I hope to say this message to the rest of my father’s side of the family  in the most humble way,- NABUHAY PO AKO NANG WALA KAYO.THANK YOU. I dedicate the lyrics on NE-YO’s song: PLS. DONT WORRY BOUT ME, IM FINE to ya’ll. NO hard feelings…. BUT TRUE.  AND I PRAY THAT MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU, WHEREVER  YOU MAY BE.

… AND MAY MY COUSIN GETS THE IMMEDIATE HELP THAT SHE NEEDS BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.-That is, to see a SHRINK. (PhD.)

Pls. don’t think it’s that easy to write all of this and get HATED & CURSED by my relatives after. It takes a lot of strength to type this message, and I know they might break me off the chain from our family genealogy– but I’m taking the risk, cause INSPITE OF EVERYTHING, I STILL LOVE HER AND I DON”T WANT TO LOSE MY COUSIN JUST LIKE THIS.

So just in case you talk to her AND SHE SAID ” OK LANG AKO” ….

 Think again.

…SHE IS NOT.

And why am I writing this? This would lead us to the last lesson in this story that I’m trying so hard to protect and to keep. My-

LESSON #3: – INTEGRITY.

Because my DIGNITY is of more worth.- than just a piece of allergy tablet. 🙂

MiSeDuCaTiON # 16: Thou Shalt Not Say “OK LANG.” When It’s Not.(PART 1)

WARNING: The following program is not suitable for very emotionally or mentally disturbed audiences. PARENTAL GUIDANCE IS ADVISED.

“Dito ka na lang gumamit ng pc, kahit 24hrs pa! Sige na! Pagbigyan mo nako!  luv u Cuz! Muuaaahh!!”

Eto yung txt message galing sa long lost cousin kong si “*WENDY” . I’ts been 10 years since we last saw each other and seeing her again is like finding an instant bestfriend.

I met her at SM Sucat, bitbit ang 3 Pringles at bumili pa kami 1.5 Coke litro gaya ng biro ko sa kanyang i-prepare niya kasi alam kong aabutin kami ng magdamagang kwentuhan pagdating sa apartment nila. Dumating din ang panganay niyang kapatid na si *Ate Ariana na sobrang bait at tlga namang na-miss ko rin.  ” Joke lang yung sa Pringles! Tlgang bumili kp eh no.” sabi ko kay Wendy. ” OK LANG NO!” masayang sagot niya. Biruin mo- 10 yrs hindi kami nagkita? Tapos eto kami ngayon, all grown ups, tumaba shempre at start ng bagong closeness bilang magpinsang buo– sino’ng di sasaya?!

It was the biggest break that I’m dreaming of. For 10 yrs ko ring non-stop sa pagtatrabaho…Nag walk-out ( take note: WALK-OUT. hindi resign. as in lumayas at di na nagpakita pa.)  sa pinasukan kong callcenter which is another story. At ngayon ko lng mae-enjoy ang feeling ng walang gagawin kundi makipagchikahan sa pinsan ko, kumain ng chichirya, mag-computer (blog, mag-ayos ng resume for abroad, magchat, etc.) at shempre ang mag-usap tungkol sa mga nangyari sa isa’t-isa sa loob ng 10 taon as an offer of courtesy shempre ng pinsan kong si Wendy.

While I talked about how I grew up mula sa pagiging service crew ng Tropical Hut, McDo, Jollibee, etc hanggang magkaroon ng mas desenteng career sa isang online travel agency kahit isa akong undergrad , Wendy talked about her ” Dirty Little Secrets”, her traumatic experience and her “Tragedy” inside those years. Yes, my cousin was abused. -sexually. And that gave her the TRUST ISSUES to almost everyone. She resigned from her work and started hating her co-workers. She dreaded one of her Ate for not listening to her about the abuse and she even hates the owner of the bakery nearby for giving her an old hard pandesal. Even worst, she have a weak lungs and she stays at home all day-alone. “Ayoko magtagal sa mall kasi ayoko ng pinagtitinginan ng tao no. Tapos Kung makatingin sayo mula ulo hanggang paa ang mga buwaka—ina!”  

 As she speaks, I began to feel sorry listening about what my cousin had gone through. Hindi kasi yun ang ini-expect kong marinig sa isang sweet, loving na bunso sa magkakapatid na kalaro ko nung grade 1 pa lang ata ako. But i got even more worried when she said: “kaya pag namatay ako… hihilahin ko mga paa nilang mga pu****ina nila’t sabay sabay kaming pupunta sa impyerno!”  This brought me to a point to realize how the tragic experience shattered her young fragile heart. It really made a deep impact to her self-esteem and she even decided not to pursue college tutal sira na naman din daw ang buhay niya. Listening to her wailing, it is blatant to me that her heart is full of raging angst. Sabi ko na lang kunwari: ” lumabas-labas ka… pag matagal ka na kasi nakatengga nakakapurol din eh. ako din ganyan nung huminto nako sa college. So, Ok ka lang ba ngayon? “ I asked. She said ” OK LANG.” as always.

As I observed our conversation ,a sudden thought of imbalance about her thinking came in to my mind, but I tried to brush it aside. I lit up the situation by attempting to crack a joke. ” Nako, try mo kaya patingin Cuz. Kasi ako nagpa- psychiatric treatment din ako nung nagkaroon ako ng Major Depression dahil sa sobrang stress. Di kasi ako nakakatulog so restless ako kaya nagkakaroon ako ng physical breakdown.-Ok lng yun no! Di naman ibig sabihin na nagpatingin ka, abnormal ka na eh. Tignan moko! hehehe!!! joke lang ah!”  We just laughed at it knowing this is just -what I hope would be- a mutual attempt of humor. I was relieved again when she said: “OK LANG.”

Yung overnight lng na plano eh inabot ng 4 days kasi inabutan pako ng bagyo dun kaya tlga namang natuloy yung hiniling niyang extension ko na mag-stay. Shempre, kating-kati nako mag-blog (HINDI MAGNAKAW NG ALLERGY TABLET.) para isulat ang adventures ng “super bonding bakasyon” ko. Since she invited me to use her pc sa umpisa pa lang, I explained to her that as a writer, there are tendencies that an ever elusive idea will pop up and I would want to write it down as soon as possible kasi nga bigla-bigla na lang lumilipad ang thoughts tapos hindi mo na uli maalala. Sayang yung momentum. So I asked my cousin, ” Ok lng ba pag nagsusulat ako, iwan mo lang ako? Kasi mas comfortable ako magsulat alone. Madali kasi ako nadi-distract eh.” ” OK LANG no.” she immediately responded. “ Gusto mo mag-lock ka pa ng kwarto ko eh. Dun ako sa kabila.” she said with support to what she knows I love doing. Nakabuo ako ng halos 3 posts sa drafts ko about sa bakasyon kong yun, abt secrets, at iba. Pag napagod, konting chat at friendster (kasi 48 yrs yung server sa bagal ng SmartBro kaya restart ako ng restart) tapos sulat uli. So, I – with her consent, locked the door and created the previous post/masterpiece MISEDUCATION # 15: The BREAK-UP.

Everything seems to be ok pa rin until nung sabado ng hapon bago ako umuwi. Nag-online si Ate Ariana para magcheck ng e-mails. I found out hindi pala siya marunong mag-chat sa YM, so I offered to teach her the ropes para naman hindi lang iisa ang prospects nya sa text. Meanwhile, inaatake daw si Wendy ng sumpong niya (Hika.) kaya daw siya tahimik. ” . Hayaan mo lang ako. OK LANG ako.” she assured. So tuloy lang kami ni Ate Ariana kasi nga exciting at may kachat na siya tsaka first time shempre. Bising- bisi ako kakasagot sa mga nag-aagawang makipag-usap kay Ate Ariana kasi tinuturuan ko pa nga siya ng biglang nagsalita si Wendy:

” Ate Ariana, akala ko ba ikaw ang gagamit ng pc?!” she said sarcastically. I was stoned for a moment. Pero hindi ko pinahalata yung pagkapahiya ko… inayos ko lng yung mga pop ups tapos hinayaan ko na mag-computer si Ate Ariana at nanghiram ng “White Flower” ointment ni pinsang Wendy para makatulog saglit. Hindi ko na lang ininda yung reaction niya kanina kasi inintindi ko na lang na baka side effects yan ng hika nya or.. ng trauma niya.

Pinabaunan niya pako ng mga imported sabon at toothpaste, etc, para sa mga kapatid at tatay ko. Sabi ko ok lng kahit wala nyan kasi hindi naman kami sanay may nagpapadala samin ng package. Pinapili niya rin ako ng mga cds niya.. sabi ko ” Sure ka? ok lng sayo?” -” OK LANG. Pwede naman ako mag-download.” paniniguro pa nya. Bago ako umalis, shempre nagpicturan, yakapan, mga habilin…at sabay ” Sorry ah. TINOTOPAK kasi ako eh. Pasensha ka na.” Sabi ni Wendy sakin. Dahil tlga namang naiintindihan ko kung ano ang puno’t dulo ng nangyari sa kanya, at shempre dahil mahal ko ang pinsan kong minsang nadisgrasya sa takbo ng buhay…wala sakin yung inasal niya kanina. This time ako naman ang nagsabi ng “OK LANG.” and I mean it.

I sent them (Ate Ariana & Wendy) a thank you msg sa text the following day and made it a point to go to Church to pray for my cousin.

…nang biglang nakarecieve ako ng ganitong text msg galing kay Wendy:

“EFFECTIVE BA YUNG GAMOT? “

– shempre ang reaction ko ay: HUH?!

Tapos, sinundan na ng ganito:

“Slmat nagtira ka ng 7 pcs sakin nung gamot ko… bilang ko kasi yun eh…. di ko na kailangan mgpa-tingin dahil normal ako at hindi nman “mapurol”…kaw pa lang nagsabi sakin nun sa buong buhay ko!..nabanggit ko na nga pala kina mama at papa lhat ng activities mo pagdating mo d2.”

Nagulantang tlg ako sa txt na to. Sobrang nagworried -slash- confused ako sa naging reaction niya pero ANG TANONG: GALIT NA BA SIYA NUNG ANDUN PAKO? KUNG GANUN, BAKIT NGAYON LNG SIYA NAGSALITA EH ANG AYOS- AYOS NANG PAGPAPAALAM NAMIN? At may isang tanong pa na gusto kong malaman kung anong ibig niya sabihin:

PINAGBIBINTANGAN NIYA BAKO’NG  NAGNAKAW NG SUICIDAL PILLS ALLERGY TABLET NIYA???!!!

To Be Continued….

(*) Names withheld.

MISEDUCATION #8: BUFFY: MS. INTERNATIONAL. (The Hallucination of Buffy Part 2)

WARNING: ANG BABAENG ITO AY DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH.

(Kung hindi mo pa kilala kung sino si BUFFY: Please proceed to Miseducation #4. At pag nakilala mo na siya.. walang sisihan.)

ANG PINAKA-AYOKO TALAGA SA LAHAT eh iistorbohin yung tulog ko ng mga ingay lalo na pag kulang tulog ko at may pasok pako sa trabaho mamaya.. gaya ngayon, Naaalimpungatan pako ng mapansin kong may naglalaro na naman sa loob ng kwarto. At lalong pumintig yung tenga ko ng narinig ko yung boses ng bunso kong pamangkin na babae na si Regine na tinatawag yung ate nya ng: “MARIAH! MARIAH!”

“Hindi ganyan, Regine!” saway ng promotor (Buffy) sa kapatid nya. Naka-highheels,nakasabit sa braso yung shoulder bag ni Mama Inday ( tita ko.) at suot na naman yung maong na may butterfly-butterfly na burda ng sikwens pa na ginupit at ginawang super shorts sa iksi!

“Hawakan mo tong notbuk tsaka bolpen. Kunwari maglalakad ako tapos hahabulin mo daw ako kunwari tas magpapa-otograff ka daw sakin tapos kunwari daw hindi ko alam. game. Maglalakad nako. Game na. ‘Gine.”

Uto- uto naman tong isa. “Mariah! Mariah! Paotograf! “ hinahabol nya kunwari yung ate nya na feel na feel maglakad kala mo artista talagang hinahabol ng fans nya.

Uminit na naman ang ulo ko sa mahadera kong pamangkin. Dala ng kulang sa tulog nasigawan ko talaga sa sobrang buwisit ko sa kalandian niya. “Hoy buffy!!! Alam mo namang may natutulog dito sa kwarto dito pa kayo naglarong dalawa!”

” Nagmomodel-model lang naman kami ah.” pinagtanggol pa nitong isa ang ate niyang nakataas na ang kilay sakin.

“Ba’t dito pa kayo naglarong dalawa ha? ikaw Buffy! kalandian mo na naman ah! promotor kang chararat ( See MISEDUCATION #1.) ka!…”

Tinignan ko muna ang postura nya.“ Paoto-otograp ka pang nalalaman.-ANONG FEELING MO?!”

Pumamewang pa na parang candidate sa beauty pageant ang kumag at tinaas ang sunglasses na parang hairban.

“Ako nga pala si MISS -Ternational.” Sabay flash ng ngiti.

Napataas din ang isang kilay ko.” Anong Mister National?!”

“Ay,” Natawa pa siya at hinawi ang buhok at pumamewang uli sabay sagot: ” …MISS-is National.”

Aba, binago pa! kumunot na yung nuo ko.” Anong Misis Na-“

“-MA”AM NA LANG.” humina na yung boses sabay irap, talikod at hila sa bunsong kapatid paalis ng kuwarto sa takot na makantsawan na naman dahil sa pagiging “ENGLISH SPEAKING” kuno nya.

LESSON: Proper pronunciation; spelling; good manners & right conduct.

-Lulusot ka pa ha.

MISEDUCATION #7: WORD OF THE DAY (V1.0)

DAHIL feeling ko antatamad nyong magbasa ng mahabang post, Here’s one of the CLASSIC lesson na irereview ko lang from the previous lessons na hindi nyo na pinagtyagaang basahin. (Wala kayong STAR sa card nyo.) Heto muna ang isang commercial break.

–Ang WORD OF THE DAY.

————————————————————————————–

” WAIT LANG AH, MERON AKONG URGENT.”

-Yan ang laging sinasabi ng katrabaho kong si Juvy pag hindi mo siya maistorbo sa mga deadlines niya sa opisina.

APPLICATION: Gamitin ang expression na ito para mag-change topic or kung meron kang mga bagay na ayaw mapag-usapan o gustong iwasan.

Ex: Kiken: ” Hoy kuya Rye, yung utang mo sakin sa labada mo 50 pesos, tagal-tagal na non ah! Sabi mo babaya…”

Ryan :” Wait lng ah, meron akong urgent.”

-sabay tulog uli.

O, diba? 🙂

————————————————————————————–

(Source: MISEDUCATION #1: Mga Ghetto Expressions-PLUS!)

MISEDUCATION #4: The Hallucination of BUFFY

Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, there was a little girl named Buffy. She was born with an image of a lovely doll and possessed such noble beauty as a princess. She loves to play with unicorn, rainbows and butterflies. With her hair flowing in the breeze, smelling like a scent of all the daisies and daffodils in the path… all the boys in the kingdom go wild to follow her like a stampede. And when she turn around to send flying kisses to them, the entire population of  boys ages 8-12  will fall down one by one on the ground and lay there as if they were dead. She feel like she’s the answer to every 5th grade boys’ prayer. She never miss a day without wearing a lipstick. She don’t want to wear something not pink or purple and she spend hours and hours infront of a mirror to comb her hair. Her ambition is to become a successful cheerleader someday and wants to try dating at age 11. She loves to spend time with her girlfriends over the fone and now starting to save money  to buy N95. She collects Coronia Nail Color and loves to speak eloquently in English. She’s a fan of RnB… and she’s really ambitious. She doesn’t want to do household chores and hates toothbrush! She likes to scratch her hair but hates suyod. She will never ever buy your shampoo in sachet w/out a 5 peso bribe. She wipes off her saliva all the way to her ear while sleeping and it stains on the sheets…and she loves to give you that tiger look if u say she’s ugly. She’s so unbearable when she acts like Mariah Carey.  She’s someone I love to tease but I hate to see around our sala. She always ruin my day  and she is – in reality, inspite all of the effort that I did to make a beautiful fairytale story about her, hindi ko talaga magawagawa kasi maaalaa ko pa lang hitsura nyang nakabusangot pag inuutusan kong bumili ng shampoo sa tindahan…tumataas na agad dugo ko kasi antamad!!nakuuup…!!!! hindi mo na  mautusan, tadtad pa ng kuto gamit unan ko at sumasabat pa pag pinagalitan! Hayyy!!! Wag na.ayoko na ata ituloy!

She is my Arch – Nemesis sa bahay. Ang pinaka maarte sa lahat ng grade 5 sa Bonifacio Elementary School-ladies & gentlemen, kuya Germs give way…walang iba, kundi ang nag-iisang reyna ng kamalditahan, at naturang pamangkin ko (daw.) na syang lesson natin for today.-give it up for…

BUFFY!

UPCLOSE & PERSONAL:

• Sino b si Buffy?

-pamangkin ko.

• Anong tunay na pangalan nya?

– Intang. Kapatid ni Intong.

• Eh bakit Buffy?

-tawag sa kanya nung maliit “Baho fefe.” Nung nagkaisip, ayaw na. Obvious daw. Kaya minodify nya.

• Describe her.

-wag na. mahirap makapagsalita lalo na kadugo mo. Mamaya ako pa masama. Basahin mo na lang yung sa taas.

• Hobbies?

-P.E.D.R.O.S. daw.(weehhh…gaya-gaya sa slum note ko dati. )

• likes:

–watching Wowowee & My Girl, micro mini shorts( Grade 3 pa sya nun ah. Ewan ko lang ngayon.) stik-O, limang piso kada utos, miss universe-miss universe contest with younger sister, lypsynching, tali sa buhok, hilata pagkagising, Myx, likes speaking in english pag kalaro yung kapitbahay sa kabilang pinto, at mga laruang cutix, make up, hair curler, etc.

• dislikes:

-Ako shempre. + suyod, utos, hugas plato, kantsyawan sa sala, masaktan sa palo dahil tamad, toothbrush,mga pangsimbang damit, mga negrang pinapakita sa National Geographic or sa mga music videos or kahit anong maitim na bagay kasi sya na naman aasarin.

• Motto:

-“Books b4 bakulaw boys.”

• What’s the most interesting thing about her?

–Feeling nya, sya to:

…kaya eto.

LESSON:

Nakakainis. HUWAG TULARAN.