MiSeDuCaTioN # 22: The Single’s Prayer.

(I dedicate this “Miseducation” to my Supereverclosestbestfriend Sha. Happy Birthday.)

Single ka rin ba? 

Lagi ka na lang bang “odd” number  kasi ikaw lagi yung pangatlo pag kasama ng barkada mo ang shota nila?

Madalas ka bang nag-aadvise sa mga kaibigan mo about issue nila ng boypren/ girlfriend niya at talaga namang ang husay mo magpayo pagdating sa pag-ibig ng tropa mo pero wari bagang naninigas ka na lang na parang bato na tinaihan ni Ibong Adarna  pag ikaw na tinatanong tungkol sa lovelife mo kasi wala ka mashado ma-share? Naranasan mo na bang mainggit  maurat sa mga lovers na maingay na naglalambingan sa park? Nagsasawa ka na ba maglakad mag-isa pag gabi? Manipis na ba ang unan mo sa mahabang panahong kakayakap mo sa kanya? Umabot ka na ba sa puntong gustong- gusto mo nang may kasama sa sinehan?  Gusto mo na ba sumandal sa isang upuan habang may nakaakbay sayo/ inaakbayan ka sa tabi mo? Minsan ba hiniling mo na sana meron ka ring isang taong pwede mong yakapin at pwede mong sabihing  SA’ YO?

  if not, naging single ka rin naman siguro sa buhay mo. At alam kong alam mo, minsan sa buhay ng isang single na kagaya ko, aminin mo man o hindi,  na kahit ilang kaibigan pa ang idagdag mo sa listahan mo, anong branded shirt pa ang isuot mo, kahit gaano pa kamahal ang celfone mo, kahit ilang milyon pa ang pera mo sa bangko o kahit ano pang mahahalagang bagay ang itakip mo sa sarili mo- ALAM KO- NAKARAMDAM KA RIN NG  FEELING NA “PARANG MAY KULANG PA RIN” SA BUHAY MO.  AMININ NATIN: KAILANGAN MO NG ISANG TAONG KUKUMPLETO SAYO.

For the nth year…hinanap ko kung sino ba ang taong ito. Gustong gusto ko na siyang makilala at i-welcome sa buhay ko. So I tried to search on the prowl. I tried look for this person everywhere. Habang naglalakad sa mall, sa beach, sa simbahan, sa bar, sa kabilang table sa Sbarro, sa bookstore, sa bus, sa fx, sa museum, sa Star City, sa office, sa Burnham Park, sa  bertdeyan, sa fiesta, sa palengke..? ( Shopwise naman.), Sa Cebu,  sa chatroom, sa friendster, sa text, etc. In short, -I’M LOOKING FOR THE ONE.

Pero hindi pala ganun basta basta mahanap yung taong yun. Ang buhay pala eh hindi kagaya nung napapanood natin sa Drama Rama sa Hapon na umupo ka lang sa Breakwater, may lalapit na sayo at makikipagkilala. Kasi nakailang beses nako umupo sa Baywalk sa likod ng Mall Of Asia–ni isang matinong tao.. walang lumapit. Meron man.. may kapartner na. O kaya yung gwardya. Pinapaalis nako kasi alas dos na ng madaling araw. Sarado na mall.  Lagi na lang  mga ipis-dagat na nag aakyatan sa bato galing sa seashore ang kasama ko. Tsaka lamok. Maliban dun… wala na. Ilang taon nang ganyan. Ilang pasko na. Ilang bagong taon na…hanggang sa inabutan na naman ako ng…

February 14 2009. Valentine’s Day.

Araw ng mga puso. Araw daw ng mga lovers. (So kaming mga single walang puso, ganun? ) Almost all of my friends have their dates  so I was left with only 2 choices:  stay inside the house and savor another night of dreadful singleness… or:  - GET OUT AND LIVE MY LIFE.

This time, I chose the latter.

And since I’m dating nobody this Valentine’s day, I decided to DATE MYSELF.  “I will give anything to my date.” I assured.  “What do you want for dinner? ”  I thought of getting a Baked Zitti and a Garlic Bread again so I went to MOA (Favorite talaga. Malapit lang kasi samin.) again only to find out nandun pala lahat ng lovers/ couples. (May Lovapalooza party kasi.) And I mean they were literally everywhere! And they are invading Sbarro!  I tried to walk away as fast as I could.” Because it’s Valentine’s Day they (lovers) think they own all the places.” I said bitterly. So lumipat ako sa akala kong mas konti ang tao- sa Rice in a Box. Pumila agad ako. Lumingon-lingon lang ako kung ano pang pwedeng bilhin nang biglang sumingit ang isang babaeng ito bitbit ang kanyang boypren. Nakita na nyako dun ah pero talagang tumabi pa sakin at akmang uunahan ako sa pila. At hindi ako nagkamali- nung umusad yung pila, siya ang pumila sa taong nasa harapan ko! Gusto ko nang humiyaw sa galit! Groowwrrrrr!!  “May Boypren ka na nga eh! Ano pa gusto mo?!!! Porke ba Valentine’s Day ngayon at single ako kaya lahat na lang, pati banaman sa pila gusto niyo kayo bida?! “ sa isip-isip ko kaso hindi ko na nasabi kasi biglang inannounce  nung kahera na out of stock na yung order ko. o Diba?  May discrimination talaga!

Naiinis na yung “date” ko so I decided to relax and shake those stress away. So I asked ” Wanna go clubbing?” It sounds good to me that night so sinagot ko naman yung tanong ko ng: “Sure!”  and the next thing I knew, I was in in front of  The Bar*, the busiest and the hottest club that night in Malate.

2oo pesos equals to 3 stubs consumable to drinks. Usually, I only pay for the entrance and give the stubs to my friends and go straight to the dancefloor kasi hindi naman ako umiinom. (hindi na.9 yrs na.) The club was jampacked. Hindi mahulugang karayom. And ofcourse, it’s VD, so hindi pa rin ako nakatakas sa mga couples sa loob. I tried to ignore them and took me a bottle of San Mig Lite. It’s my first beer bottle after 9 yrs! “I will do everything I want tonight.Well,  just for tonight.”  after getting it from the bar, I tried to sail away from those dancing couples before I curse them out of jealousy and checked out the other single people around. I know I am an optimistic person and Iwas still hoping before that Valentine’s Day ends ,at least  somehow, some magical thing will happen that someone is destined to be there wating for me to finally meet. I spotted some few goodlooking… but that night, I was doomed to be so invisible.

The clock striked 12 o’ clock.

… And that magical thing never happened.

I began to sink again. What’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough for someone to have? Do I really have to look like this bitch on the corner licking a guy’s face to be liked?   Am I too prudish? Bakit tong mga bisexuals nga sa tabi ko nakakahanap ng partner eh.. bakit ako hindi?

I went out gloomily from the bar for a quick break. I missed smoking. I thought and took a stick from a street vendor across the street. That’s the 2nd indulgence that I had after the beer. I’m still busy thinking about my miserable life as a hopeless romantic single ” looking for someone else”  when someone appeared also to be” looking for something else” .  A woman opened the garbage bin infront of me and started digging those plastic cups from the bottom. I realized that she’s collecting plastics to sell.  ” Pahingi po kahit limang piso pambili lang ng kanin. “  she said. I offered her to get some hotdog sandwich, my treat but she said that 5pesos will be enough to buy rice. She needs to get a good heavy dinner.

I stood there gaping as she took the 5 peso coin from my hand and walked to check the garbage bin standing at the next street. 

OMG.How selfish I am! How can I be so consumed thinking ako na ang pinakakawawang tao sa buong mundo (o kahit sa buong malate na lang)  Eh samantalang may mas worst pa ngang problema kesa sa paghahanap lang ng jowa! Tapos ako ano? para yun lang nagse-self pity na?Mmmmbobo ko!

 That puts me back into sanity again. I threw the  half consumed cigarette  stick on the street and decided to END THIS BULL—-. And when I say Bull—-, it means stop the searching. Stop the whining. Stop complaining.Stop the waiting.

And just like that, I finally decided to STOP my insanity  and JUST LEAVE the country.

 TAMA NA. KUNG MERON, DARATING NA LANG YAN. But for now, I gotta do what’s best for me. I will sign the contract to work abroad and fly next week. It’s 3:45 am.I’ll just consume my last stub for a mineral water and go home by exactly 4am. I did my last march inside the bar and give myself  my “last dance” as it played my much awaited song ” Shining Star.” 

My eyes were closed, moving to the beat, savoring my last few minutes on the jampacked dancefloor. Not caring anymore if people thinks I am the loneliest single person who went to the bar alone that night.

The time is 3:52 a.m. And just about when I was ready to leave, feeling the  music for the last time as it fades away,I suddenly felt that someone is also ”feeling” my private!

I immediately backed off and looked who owns the hands that “rocks” my cradle. And there, beside me was a 50 year old drunked man who looked like the fish ball vendor where I bought  the cigarette, his shirt pulled up and was almost showing his private! I cried for help but no one could hear me because of the noise aside that the club is banging! I tried to escape but the floor is packed I can’t even move! And look, the 50 yr old man is attacking me!!!

For the very first time in my life…. NAGDASAL AKO SA GITNA NG MAINGAY AT NAGSUSUMIKSIKANG DANCE FLOOR. “Help me.” naimpit na boses kong sabi kasi helpless rin naman kahit sumigaw ka.Tanggap ko nang kay suklap ng buhay. Napapikit na lang ako habang nakatitig yung mama sakin aktong aakmain ako ng …

Biglang may kamay na humila ng braso ko and captured me away  from the attacker  As I opened my eyes, I realized I was held locked inside someone’s arms… And I’ve never felt so safe in my life before. I looked up to see the person who saved my private part…and the most- my dying heart. Instead, I saw the most beautiful smile in the world that night that  only helps me to throw my arms on his neck tightly. “Help me! pls!”

 ”Ok. ”  He said staring straight back at me as if I am the only person that exists on the dancefloor. “I’m Topher*… Ok ka lang? ”

I tried to check for the 50 yr old guy who started to move back away from us amusingly as he disappeard from the crowd.

” I think I am now.” I assured him as I exhaled for relief.  

“Ok.” Topher said. Then he enveloped me inside his arms again. Much better  this time. “…Just stay here.”

And when he said “stay here”, he means -”inside his arms”  where I was meant to be all along.

I checked my phone. it’s4 a.m. - Topher was a Buzzer Beater.

 I couldn’t help but smile and shake my head as I recount the unpleasantries I had that day. After a series of unfortunate events, who would’ve thought this story will end up to become  the most beautiful Valentine’s Day Story of all time in my life?   And just when you thought everything has blown up… suddenly, something will come up to make everything alright. Yes, I have concluded that this kind of twisted fairy tale love story only happens in movies . But that night… that kind of twisted fairy tale love story - happened to me.

 LESSON?

  -Even a hopeless romantic single’s prayer in the middle of a noisy dancelfoor can be heard.

~ ni themiseducationofzapped sa Marso 4, 2009.